I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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