the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
