im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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