I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
