So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
