textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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