I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
