Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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