No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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