got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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