you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
