I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
