i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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