so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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