i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
