Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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