i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
