And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
