remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
