I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
