Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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