I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
