Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
