Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
