Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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