dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
