Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Green mimosas i think yes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
