just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize