I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
