I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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