Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How does one acquire holy water?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
