I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
