im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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