you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
