i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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