My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
