I wish I could teleport
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Boobs are out for the taking
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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