Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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