I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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