Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
