You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
