saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize