Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
