Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
