Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
