your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
