just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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