So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
