so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
