Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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