Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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