Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
