I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
