you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I die, sorry about rent.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
