First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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