she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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