She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
