Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
