It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize