Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
