it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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