Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
