the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
