i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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