Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
