Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Life is so much better after having sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
