haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
