Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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