Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
