I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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