Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
