sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
