Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
