So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
