Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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