So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize