I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
