I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
