she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
