just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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