Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
