Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
