remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
