Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize