Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
