I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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