I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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