Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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